Maternal Instinct
by RosalieThropp
Summary: Elphaba's thoughts on her son's birth.One-shot.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything. Gregory Maguire does.

**AN**: English is not my first language, so forgive my grammar and coherence mistakes.

* * *

Lying in bed in the ambulatory, Elphaba tried to ignore the stabbing pain in her stomach. If she made any sound, it would be enough to wake Sister Doctor. She didn't want help. She didn't want that child.

It startled at first; she never thought she could have children. But only a few weeks after Fiyero's death, she realized that the nausea was actually morning sickness, and that the new volume of her breasts was not a coincidence. She was pregnant.

She would give birth to a child who would never meet its father. And it was _her_ fault.

Before she could go any deeper on her thoughts the pain became stronger and almost unbearable. She let out a loud cry of pain and soon enough, Sister Doctor were by her bed side.

"Don't fight it, Miss Elphaba. Let you child be born" She said, helping Elphaba to a sitting position.

"I don't want it…_I can't_" Elphaba whispered.

"I don't think you have a choice here" Sister Doctor responded, lifting Elphaba's dress and parting her legs.

The green girl struggled at first, not wanting to accept the fact that she was in labor, not wanting the unborn child.

As the labor progressed, Elphaba realized she had no control over her body anymore, so she gave in to the urge of push the baby out.

"That's it, now we're talking…just push harder" Sister Doctor advised.

She pushed harder, and harder, and it went on for almost two hours before the pain became excruciating.

Elphaba felt like she was being torn in two, and with one lest push followed by a loud cry of pain, the sound of a newborn's cry echoed through the room.

"It's a boy" Sister Doctor announced with a smile.

Elphaba's breath caught in her throat.

"How is he?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"Not green" the Sister said.

This was enough for the green skinned girl to relax, and a warm feeling went through her body. She didn't know why she feeling like this, she hadn't felt like this in quite a while and the sensation was unusual.

"Here, why don't you hold him?" Sister Doctor asked, moving towards Elphaba.

"No" she said turning away from her, wishing the baby would just disappear.

The baby whined in the older woman's arms.

"He wants his mother. Come on, just try it" she insisted.

"No…I can't" Elphaba whispered "I don't want him, _take it away_"

"Elphaba…"

"Take him away!" she screeched.

The Sister backed off, taking the baby away. She decided to give the young woman some time to think, to rest, before she could clearly decide what to do with the child.

Elphaba felt relief when the Sister took the baby let the tears she had been holding back for the past hours run through her face, not minding if it would burn her skin even more.

She knew she couldn't hold her son, because if she did, she wouldn't be able to let him go.

Her mother didn't want her, her father didn't want her. She was never truly loved by them. By nobody. She didn't want her child to be like her. If she can't love him, he will be better off without her.

She was never loved by her mother, how could she love her son? How could she be a mother?

Her father never even cared about her, she never had a father's love . And because of her, her son wouldn't have it either. How could she condemn her son to a life so similar to hers?

She just couldn't.

It wasn't until the next morning when the Superior Maunt came to her bedside with the bundle up baby in her arms. Elphaba's only reaction was to turn her face away from her.

"Don't you dare rejecting your son" The Superior Maunt said with a hard voice "He didn't ask to be born, however, he's here. And he's you responsibility"

"I can't have him. Please, just take him away" Elphaba pleaded.

"I can't do such thing. He's your son, and he's not leaving this Cloister unless it's with you. And that's my final word" The Superior Maunt settled the baby in her arms, without caring if the green girl wanted to hold him or not "You better get used to it."

The Superior Maunt left the ambulatory; leaving Elphaba alone with her child for the first time.

Elphaba tried, at first, to no to look at the baby. She didn't want to get attached to the child. But as the baby started to whine and cry for her attention, she gave in and looked at him.

And s_he was astonished by what she saw._

_The baby in her arms,__ her__ baby, was perfect. Absolutely perfect._

_His skin was fair like Fiyero's, not green like hers; his hair, however, was the same raven color as hers. But his eyes…his eyes were the same sapphire blue as his father's._

_And then, tears started to form in her eyes. Her son was absolutely beautiful, and even though she tried to deny it earlier, she loved him. She loved him more than anything else in the world._

_But, how could such a gorgeous boy love someone like her? How could he love a green skinned monster?_

_She knew he couldn't love her. That's why she didn't want him,__ she wouldn't bear not to be loved back by him, once she loved him so much. _

It hurt her more than anything.

Elphaba gently kissed her son's forehead and held him against her breast, trying to calm him down. She was surprised to see that it worked.

She looked into his deep blue eyes, and for the first time since she had arrived in the monastery, she smiled.

"You really are a beautiful baby boy. How can you be my son?" She questioned. But the baby boy's only answer was smile to his mother.

The young mother stayed in silence, watching her baby sleep.

"Why don't you try feeding him?" a few moments later, the voice of Sister Doctor disturbed her peace.

"I-I don't…" Elphaba stuttered

"It's simple" the sister said, approaching Elphaba and unbuttoning her nightdress, and helped her hold the baby in the right position.

Soon, the baby started sucking his mother's breast. The two women watched the baby until he was asleep.

"Does he have a name yet?" the older woman asked.

Elphaba looked to the sleeping baby in her arms, holding his tiny hands in hers.

"Liir "she said with a smile.

* * *

AN: So, that's it. Please, read and review. And show me my grammar/coherence mistakes so I can work on it on my next story :)


End file.
